


always feeling something bigger

by threeonelead (Pbgrpy)



Category: Baseball RPF
Genre: 0.000002 seconds of angst, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Canon Compliant, Colorado Rockies, Fluff and Smut, Kissing, M/M, emotion sharing, ish, overuse of italics and commas, pretty sappy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-01
Updated: 2019-07-01
Packaged: 2020-05-31 16:04:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,721
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19429399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pbgrpy/pseuds/threeonelead
Summary: Trevor wears #27, one less than Nolan's #28. He gets the locker next to Nolan's. He's the 6 to Nolan's 5 in the field. Nolan takes up so much room with his broad shoulders and his million-watt sunbeam smile, drawing people to him like a magnet. Trevor looks at him and feels like the air is being crushed out of his lungs, chalks up the burning feeling in his stomach to jealousy.





	always feeling something bigger

**Author's Note:**

> Standard RPF disclaimer!  
> The soulmates fic for nolan and trevor that LITERALLY nobody asked for!  
> Unbeta'd, title from dream glow by bts and charli xcx.

Trevor makes the Rockies' 25-man roster as the starting shortstop in 2016. The Rockies' staff tell him it's an exciting and dynamic time in his life- Trevor's pretty sure that just means he has new and unfamiliar problems to handle in addition to his existing issues. Some of these problems: trying to replace the recently-traded Troy Tulowitzki at shortstop; worrying about keeping up his performance after hitting 4 homers in his first 4 games; getting totally ripped off on rent for his new Denver condo; Nolan Arenado.

At this point, the first three problems are pretty much out of Trevor's control. And that last problem would be easier to handle if Nolan wasn't _everywhere_. Trevor wears #27, one less than Nolan's #28. He gets the locker next to Nolan's. He's the 6 to Nolan's 5 in the field. Nolan takes up so much room with his broad shoulders and his million-watt sunbeam smile, drawing people to him like a magnet. Trevor looks at him and feels like the air is being crushed out of his lungs, chalks up the burning feeling in his stomach to jealousy. Nolan's only a year and a half older than Trevor, but he just seems so untouchable, like Trevor's never going to reach his level.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"I really like the guys here," Trevor tells David when he's facetiming him from his hotel room in Boston. "Except, I don't think Nolan and I are getting along, but other than that-"

David furrows his brow. "What do you mean, dude? Nolan's so nice."

Trevor sighs and sinks back into his pillows. "Yeah, it's just kind of annoying how he's always around. Like there's no way I can do anything without getting compared to him. He doesn't even talk to me that much."

Ryan appears to have paused his video game in the background, because he comes closer to the camera and exchanges a glance loaded with meaning with David. 

"Are you sure," Ryan starts, "that you're annoyed with him? Or do you think it could be ...something else?"

"Like what."

"Like, two years ago, when we got wasted in Santa Fe," David prompts.

And suddenly Trevor knows what they're talking about: he, David, and Ryan had had far too many margaritas at a tiny bar and he had said a lot of stuff, possibly about how Trevor wanted to sleep with a certain Rockies third baseman.

"That's not what's going on here, you assholes," he told them. "That was two years ago. It was a crush that lasted for like ten minutes."

"Really?" Ryan asks, looking way too eager to be having this horrible conversation. "You sure you don't like his arms or his tattoos anymore?" Another detail that Trevor probably shouldn't have shared with them.

But at the mention of tattoos, Trevor's mind starts to wander. He wouldn't say that Nolan's are _good_ , per se, and he hasn't gotten close enough to see what they are, but he has a fair number of them up and down his left arm and it's incredibly distracting whenever Trevor catches a glimpse of dark ink peeking out of Nolan's sleeves. And the other day when they were changing in the clubhouse, he had seen the tattoo on Nolan's chest right under his collarbone and had promptly stopped listening to Walt's pregame announcements.

Too late, he realizes he hasn't responded to Ryan's question, and when he drags his eyes back to his phone screen, David and Ryan are wearing matching grins. Trevor is two minutes away from flying to Albuquerque and punching them both in the face.

"Where'd you go there, Trev?" David asks, annoyingly smug.

Trevor knows he's not getting away with this. "Maybe I still have a- crush," he says through gritted teeth. "But that has nothing to do with the other stuff."

Thankfully, they don't press it any further. They talk until Trevor realizes he has to go catch the team bus.

"Wait- David," Trevor says just before they hang up. "Don't, like, tell anyone."

David doesn't have to ask him what he's talking about. "I won't, Trev," he says with a small smile.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Trevor has high hopes for his second season, hopes that are quickly extinguished when he starts striking out like nobody's business. Trevor knows his power is still there, but something happens in his brain every time he goes up to bat that has him chasing pitches he has no business swinging at.

He spends more time in the batting cages, but not when Nolan's there, because he still gets an uncomfortably hot feeling in his stomach around him. Trevor runs into him anyways one morning, feeling a jolt in his chest when he recognizes Nolan's gray shirt with the sleeves cut off, his stance, his KDs. Trevor keeps his eyes down as he drops his bag in the cage, waves back tentatively as Nolan shouts a greeting. 

Trevor's eyes stay down as he pulls a bat out and sets the pitching machine to the right setting. But Trevor's a right-handed hitter, like Nolan- as he settles into his stance, he's turned towards Nolan next to him, their cages separated by a thin net. Trevor watches, mesmerized, as Nolan leans back, shifts his weight onto his front foot, then onto his back foot. For an instant, his power is all coiled up in his hips and thighs, radiating upwards through his core and arms and then- a crack as he swings, the ball drilled to the back wall of the cage.

Trevor has to drag his eyes away, feeling a flush bloom over his cheeks and down his neck.

Before Nolan leaves some time later, he stops by outside Trevor's cage to chat, talking about the weather forecast for the game, how the pitcher they're facing likes to strike guys out with his changeup- "since we get pitched similarly, I think". It's not the first time he and Nolan have talked like this, but it's close to it.

Trevor starts spending more time with Nolan at the ballpark after that. It turns out they really are similar hitters; Nolan's already gone through the funk Trevor is in right now and come out the other side better. Trevor feels less on edge the more time he spends with Nolan, his jealousy mellowing out into admiration. Nolan's not naturally someone who takes charge and speaks up in the clubhouse, but what he does do amazingly well is seek guys out individually and give them some time or a few words, about hitting or just about life. Trevor's been the main recipient of Nolan's attention this season, and he feels like a flower opening up towards the fucking sun. If his heart pounds in his chest every time Nolan graces him with one of his stunning smiles, his eyes warm and crinkling up at the corners, no one needs to know.

Maybe David and Ryan weren't so off base last year.

Nolan shares a lot of his hitting drills, tells Trevor what to look for when they watch tape on a particular pitcher. "Don't try to do too much" is by far Nolan's favorite phrase. Probably the hundredth time he says it, after a game in which Trevor strikes out 4 times, Trevor snaps. "I fucking know, Nolan, I'll try not to do too much. I get it!"

Nolan looks at him consideringly. Everyone's left the clubhouse since it's late, but Nolan doesn't seem to be in a rush and Trevor's in a shitty mood and doesn't feel like driving home right now. "I don't think you do, Trev. It's easy for us to _say_ we're going to stay calm and consistent. I still get this feeling when you're at the plate like you're trying to... do too much. I guess I can't explain it."

Trevor's still mad. "Wow, helpful!"

Nolan sighs. "It's like, tonight, whenever you got up to the plate, it just felt to me like you tensed up and got this mental block. Instead of thinking about hitting your mind was kind of all over the place, thinking about Chuck on base and the pitcher and the crowd and everything."

Trevor was prepared to snap at Nolan again, but his irritation cools a little- that's almost exactly what he was feeling tonight.

"That's kind of what I meant by too much. Like you're not just thinking about the AB, you're thinking about the runs and our record and the fans and the guys after you in the lineup."

Trevor's anger finally subsides and he rubs a hand over his face, just feeling tired now. "I can't not be thinking about all that stuff, though. Like you can't just control your thoughts. All that stuff's important."

Nolan smiles a little, only a hint of his full megawatt smile. "You can definitely control your thoughts. Or, at least, you can choose which thoughts to pay attention to." 

"What do you mean?"

"So you know how I had ADD as a kid, right? Or, I technically still have it, but it's not bad-"

"I didn't know," Trevor says softly.

"So anyways, I tried taking medication but then it made me stop eating and I had no energy, so I needed to find a way to focus on stuff in school and pretty much anywhere that wasn't baseball. So I started just- freezing my thoughts and figuring out which ones were more important than others."

"So I should only think about the stuff that's important."

"No, your thoughts are your thoughts," Nolan corrects him gently. "But you don't have to pay attention to all of them equally."

"How do you- fucking do it, though? I feel like my mind is always going a million miles per hour and my thoughts just rattle around and I can't stop-" Trevor grits his teeth, cutting himself off, trying to stop himself from laying everything bare in front of Nolan.

Nolan just keeps looking at him with soft eyes, like he understands- and he probably does, Trevor realizes, better than a lot of people. He puts his arm around Trevor's shoulders, the warmth temporarily scattering Trevor's thoughts. "Everyone has something that they think about or do to distract themselves. Like..." he trails off, moving closer to Trevor.

There is _no way_ that this is happening. Trevor is absolutely trapped in a fantasy in his own head. He's going to wake up any second now.

Nolan stops, his face an inch from Trevor's. "Can I?" he whispers.

"Yes", Trevor whispers back, trying to convey his enthusiasm-

And then Nolan's mouth is lightly pressed to his, capturing and releasing Trevor's lips in a soft kiss, and then another, lingering and tender. Warmth travels from Trevor's mouth into his chest, lighting him up from the inside. Nolan runs his tongue over Trevor's bottom lip once, twice, then pulls back, letting out a shaky breath.

Trevor has to keep his eyes closed as he tries to get his breath back. His mouth is tingling and he can feel the flush in his face and down his neck. Nolan asks him something, but he can't hear over his heartbeat pounding in his ears.

Nolan puts his hand under Trevor's chin, tilting his face. Trevor opens his eyes, loses his breath all over again at the heat in Nolan's eyes.

"I said, what are you thinking about right now?"

"Nothing," Trevor says, and it's true, every part of his mind that's usually vibrating with some worry or another still and quiet, suffused with the warmth and heat of Nolan's kiss.

Nolan smiles softly. "That's what I mean." Then he gets a funny look on his face, like he's just realized what he did, pulling his hand away from Trevor's face and sitting back in his chair.

"I don't know why I did that," Nolan says. Trevor winces, but when he looks at Nolan he doesn't see the disgust or shock he's expecting. Nolan just looks scared, and vulnerable. Trevor kind of wants to reach out and touch him but holds himself back.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

They don't talk about it in the weeks that follow, but it isn't exactly awkward. Trevor just makes sure to keep a physical distance from Nolan even as they talk about pitchers and gameplans every day. 

Ryan gets called up in September, which cheers Trevor up. They go out in Miami after Ryan's first hit, Facetiming injured David from some random club. Having Ryan around helps Trevor take his batting issues less seriously- the team's still doing fine. Whenever he gets down on himself, like one afternoon when they're playing Madden, Ryan smacks him in the back of the head with his controller.

"What the _fuck_ , Ryan," Trevor grits out.

"Do you think obsessing over your hitting when you don't even have a game today is helping you at all?"

"...No," Trevor admits begrudgingly, and unpauses the game, the back of his head still throbbing but his mind a little calmer.

Trevor finishes the year leading the NL in strikeouts, which is objectively not great. The Rockies go to the wild card game only to immediately fall behind the Dbacks 6-0. Trevor's a wreck, and can't shake his nerves even as the Rockies start to come back, the score 8-5 after 7.

Something happens on the bench between the 7th and 8th. Trevor's putting away his glove when the hair prickles on the back of his neck and he turns to find Nolan right next to him. Nolan's looking at him hard, his expression unreadable. A faint breeze ruffles Trevor's hair, the crowd's noise muffled slightly by faint whispering in his ears. Trevor can't pull his eyes away. When he finally has to blink he sees bright threads connecting them in the negative space behind his eyelids.

He needs Gatorade. Or sleep. His mind is playing tricks on him.

Then Nolan goes up to the plate after Cargo's groundout, takes a ball, a strike, and hits one over the fence. This in itself isn't that weird; he's Nolan, after all.

But then- Trevor goes up to the plate, takes a ball and a strike, and hits a home run.

Just like that, it's 8-7. They look at each other in the dugout, a little shell-shocked.

But next outing Greg gives up three more runs, Cargo can only get one back, and the Rockies lose the wild card game.

No one says a word in the clubhouse. Jon's dedicatedly avoiding eye contact, shoveling his stuff into his duffel. _It's not your fault_ , Trevor wants to tell him, _you only gave up three runs, we all failed,_ but the words get stuck behind the lump in his throat. The pitchers are the first ones out, Cargo and Gerardo packing up slower, exchanging glances and looking like they want to say something. Trevor's glad they don't, though.

Trevor risks a glance at Nolan as he zips up his bag and feels his stomach drop. Nolan looks numb, hollow, a far cry from his usually expressive self. Trevor ducks his head as he leaves the locker room, knowing he's going to cry if he looks at anyone else.

Trevor buys a 5am plane ticket to Dallas on the way back to the team hotel. He just wants to go home, eat his mom's cooking, and chill out until he stops feeling so terrible.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It works a little bit. His mom lets him sleep for the first few days, then makes him get up at 7 in the morning to help around the house. He's usually fine for a few hours after he wakes up, and then like clockwork around noon he starts feeling like shit, the same hollow, numb feeling he'd had after the wild card game encasing his chest. It continues into the evening and finally lets up around midnight. It's absolutely wrecking his ability to function, since he ends up spending afternoons and evening curled up in a blanket on the couch despite the fact that it's still pretty nice out in Dallas. 

He can feel his parents getting worried, and wants to reassure them that nothing's going on, but he can tell it won't be convincing. The thing is, though- he does feel fine. Their season ended disappointingly, but he's always been someone who gets over things fast and it's already been two weeks since the game. Even when the sadness is weighing on his chest it almost doesn't feel like his own.

He finally drags himself off the couch one evening to go see high school friends at the one diner they always used to go to. He's drinking a chocolate milkshake and getting into a fantasy football discussion with two of his old teammates when someone slides into his booth.

"Hi, Trevor," a melodic voice says.

He turns to see who it is. "Mallie!" He leans over to hug her as best he can, awkwardly turned sideways in their booth. Trevor dated Mallie all through high school; he's pretty sure she knew he was gay, though, because when he'd attempted to break up with her after the MLB draft she had just touched his cheek with a knowing look in her eyes and wished him good luck.

"You look great," he says, and means it. Her wavy brown hair is longer, almost to her waist, and there's a sparkle in her eyes that's new. She's still carrying the same woven bag as she did in high school, which Trevor knows is filled to the brim with tarot cards and sachets of herbs and other stuff she needs for spells. 

"You... don't look so great," she says with a wry smile. Trevor has to smile back at that- he knows he looks tired, and the sadness weighing on his chest hasn't helped any.

"I've been better," he admits. Mallie doesn't say anything, patiently waiting for an explanation. "The past week, I've been feeling fine in the mornings," he starts, realizing there's no way this is going to sound normal, "and then as soon as the afternoon hits I've been getting so- tired, and sad, I guess."

Mallie looks skeptical, which is fair, but then she says, "Can I try something? I've gotten a lot better at it since high school."

"Sure," Trevor agrees. All he wants is to stop feeling shitty for no reason, and he's willing to give Mallie's stuff a try if it'll help.

Mallie doesn't get anything out of her bag, just puts one hand on Trevor's forearm and another on his chest, lowering her eyelids- and stays like that for a good 5 minutes. His other classmates piled into the diner booths don't blink. They know Mallie.

Finally, she opens her eyes. "It's not yours." At Trevor's blank stare, she continues. "The sadness you're feeling- it's not yours. It's someone else's."

Trevor has to process that. That's exactly how he'd been feeling, but- "How is that possible?"

Mal smiles. "It's rare, but sometimes when two people who are really compatible spend time around each other, you start feeling each other's emotions. Like entanglement. It can fade if things change and you lose compatibility, but for some people it lasts forever. It's really quite lovely," she says, a dreamy look in her eyes.

Trevor takes this in, unsure whether to believe her or not. "So who is it?"

Mallie laughs. "Why are you asking me? You're the one who should know who your own soulmate is."

That word, _soulmate_ , strikes something in Trevor. He thinks back to the wild card game before he and Nolan hit their homers and even further back to their moment in the clubhouse. The thought fills him with mild panic- it seems like a bad idea to be with a teammate, like it would throw off clubhouse dynamics. And they did kiss, but Trevor has no idea if Nolan would even consider being with a guy.

Mallie notices the change in his expression. "I feel like you do know who it is," she says.

"I might," Trevor admits, "but I can't even imagine talking to him about this." He immediately realizes what he's let slip.

"Him," Mallie says, and Trevor thinks he was right, because she doesn't look surprised at all.

"Yeah," he says quietly. "You knew, right?" She nods.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you in high school-"

Mallie shuts him up with a stern look. "You and I both know what would have happened if you had come out in high school. Plus, it's not like I'm in any position to judge," she says, tilting her head, seeing if he'll catch on.

"You, too?" Trevor can't keep the smile off his face. "A match made in heaven."

They talk for another hour, about high school and their town and what Mallie's been up to (Trevor doesn't miss the look on her face when she mentions the new girl at the garden shop she goes to to get her herbs). She tells him that whoever he's entangled with has a big heart and feels things very deeply (like Nolan, his brain supplies).

Spending time with his old friends helps, but as soon as Trevor gets in his car to drive home, the negative feelings hit him like a truck. He's annoyed, now that he knows it's not his own, but he also feels for his soulmate. If their emotions are this strong for Trevor it must be hell for them.

Trevor can't get to sleep that night. After two hours of tossing and turning, he blearily grabs his phone off the nightstand and pokes out a text with his index finger.

To: Nolan

_STOP BEING SO SAD. I CAN'T FALL ASLEEP_

Trevor sets his phone back on his nightstand and pulls his blanket over his head. In few minutes, he feels some of the knot dissolve, the weight getting lighter, and it feels so nice that he falls asleep before he has a chance to think about it.

He wakes up to several texts from Nolan, each growing increasingly more confused, the last one just reading _what are you talking about_. Trevor just texts back _i feel whatever you're feeling_ , and then _where are you right now_. Nolan replies _scottsdale_ and is clearly about to ask a hundred more questions. Trevor texts back _we need to talk, coming to az tomorrow_. Trevor mutes his text notifications and buys more plane tickets, first to Denver to clean out his locker and then on to Phoenix.

Trevor walks out of Sky Harbor at 10 pm the next day and finds Nolan waiting for him in his Tahoe. 

"So what do we need to talk about?" Nolan asks as they exit onto the freeway.

Trevor's about to go into everything that Mallie told him, but with Nolan only a few feet away from him, Trevor suddenly feels silly talking about soulmates. Nolan's also not himself- as Trevor looks at Nolan closer, he sees the dark bags under his eyes and a pallor under his tan skin.

"What have you been doing in Arizona?" Trevor asks instead.

Nolan laughs joylessly. "Oh, you know. Driving around. Sitting by the pool. Watching TV."

Trevor can't stop himself from touching Nolan's arm, wrapping his fingers around his wrist. "Nolan, I felt like shit this last week. Like, the worst I've ever felt in my life. And I think it's because I was feeling what you were feeling-" Trevor breaks off. "Nolan, you're in a lot of pain."

Nolan says nothing, clearly skeptical. 

Trevor needs Nolan to talk to him. "Hey, when you drove around this last week, where did you go?"

"Around the city," Nolan says reluctantly. "I did go to this lake a couple times though."

"Then let's go there," Trevor says, trying to keep the pleading note out of his voice.

He thinks Nolan's not going to listen as they drive through the familiar streets of Scottsdale, but finally Nolan pulls onto the 101 and takes a couple exits. Soon, they're driving along a narrow, winding road surrounded by uneven rocky terrain and scrub brush growing in the sand. When they get to the lake, Nolan pulls over, turns off the car, and gets out before Trevor can say anything. He's just moving to sit on the hood of his car, though, and Trevor hops up to sit next to him without waiting for an invitation. 

The lake's water is black at this time of night, catching little bits of the moon and stars, which are out in full force this far away from the city. It's still warm out, the light wind ruffling Trevor's hair.

They sit in silence until Nolan sighs. "Trev, you're right. I've been horrible since the game."

Trevor stays quiet, encouraging Nolan to keep talking.

"My parents asked if I wanted them to come down here for a couple weeks, take care of me and stuff, and I said no because I thought it'd be easier, but that was definitely a mistake because I've just been alone with my thoughts..." Nolan trails off.

"You haven't been alone, though," Trevor says gently. "I felt it too."

Nolan shakes his head, a hint of a smile finally creeping onto his face. "How do you expect me to believe that you felt my emotions? Doesn't it just make sense that you were a little sad after the game and you felt like I would be sad too?"

"Yeah, it could be," Trevor acquiesces, "but, like. I felt it real strong. Like it was hard for me to do that much stuff at home since I was just so weighed down."

Nolan looks worried. "Trev, I'm sorry, that really sucks-" Trevor waves him off and continues. "Anyways, I ran into my ex-girlfriend," (Nolan raises an eyebrow) "we're actually just friends now, but she was always super into mystical stuff-"

"Magic," Nolan says, looking amused.

"It's not magic!" Trevor snaps, realizing he sounds exactly like Mallie. "She told me all about this, how if two people are in tune enough they can feel each others' emotions. Which means you can feel mine too! Try it," he says, thinking about getting drafted, a memory that never fails to serve up strong emotions for him.

Nolan looks like he's about to burst out laughing, or get back in his car and leave Trevor in the desert, but to his credit, he thinks about it for a little bit. "Fine. You're feeling happiness," he says, "and gratitude, and surprise? And a little fear," he says, trailing off a little bit towards the end.

"Draft day, 2011," Trevor says softly.

Nolan's eyes are wide. "I can't explain how I knew that, I just kind of went like, what is Trevor thinking about now? I thought I was making shit up, but I guess not."

They play that game a few more times, Nolan looking more and more shocked as they guess each others' feelings correctly again and again. When Nolan correctly guesses that Trevor's feeling "cold" after a while they realize it's late. The car ride back into Scottsdale has none of the same tension as the ride up into the forest, and Trevor's content to lean against the passenger side window and admire the stars.

They spend a few days hanging out in Nolan's house, which is nice if a little sparsely furnished, since he's only there a couple months a year. Mornings by the pool, afternoons also by the pool but sometimes in downtown, night drives out to the lake or further north into the mountains. Nolan buys a second ticket for Trevor to the Travis Scott concert he was planning on seeing. They talk, and eat, and just exist for a little while. Trevor thinks this is helping Nolan a little- he's finally letting himself set some of his feelings down instead of carrying them around all the time.

Trevor goes back to Dallas after a week, but not without threatening to come right back to Scottsdale as soon as Nolan starts feeling shitty again. Nolan hugs Trevor at the airport, tucking his head into the join of Trevor's neck and shoulder. When he pulls away, Trevor feels a wave of gratitude rush over him and it takes a minute to realize it's Nolan's.

"You're welcome," Trevor says, and Nolan looks surprised for a second before realizing.

"It's gonna take a while to get used to this," Nolan says, "but I'm glad it's you."

Trevor nods and waves, turning to enter the airport and desperately hoping his deeper, more squishy feelings aren't leaking everywhere for Nolan to feel. It's almost a relief to go home and not face Nolan for a few more months.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He spends his time at home with his family, gets a tattoo, hangs out with Mallie and his other high school friends, sees Tyler a couple times since he also lives in Dallas. 

Nolan's emotions are there, in the corner of his mind, but he only really notices them when a particular one spikes. He and Nolan text every few days, usually when Trevor feels a jolt of laughter and asks Nolan about it, Nolan sending him stupid internet videos and funny stories about his brothers and cousins. 

By the time spring training rolls around, Trevor's feeling good, about his batting and about Nolan. He'd started watching film of all his strikeouts from last year about a month ago, trying to get back in the moment and recreate what he was feeling, then going back and looking at his strikeout pitch to visualize attacking it differently.

 _i cannot lead the nl in strikeouts two years in a row_ , he texts Nolan one day while they're talking casually about the guys they might face next year. _you won't_ , Nolan replies almost immediately. When Trevor asks him how he can be so sure, Nolan texts _you're the same as me. swing at everything your first couple seasons and then after that you'll settle down and start seeing pitches_. 

We're the same, Trevor thinks to himself.

As spring training approaches, Nolan texts him _you can stay at my place if you want, so you don't have to get a hotel_. Trevor almost drops his phone on his face. A month living with Nolan, eating dinner together, carpooling to and from the field, seeing sleepy Nolan in the mornings? Even a week had been a lot to handle. _already got rooms with david and rymac_ , he texts back, _thank you though_. 

Trevor gets in to Phoenix a couple nights before spring training starts, and has just dropped his suitcase in his hotel room when he hears pounding at his door, then laughter, then more aggressive knocking. 

"Go away," Trevor yells, "I would not like to see you," as he opens the door, immediately tackled by David and Ryan and, as a pleasant surprise, David's new puppy Rookie. 

Trevor tells them everything about him and Nolan while they're eating takeout later, leaving out the part about being soulmates. David and Ryan exchange thoughtful glances. "There's always been something between you guys," Ryan says, scratching Rookie's ears. "Go get him, champ."

Trevor's missed his friends.

"So," Nolan says after their first morning practice, he and Trevor sitting at their lockers, "I asked my abuela about this soulmate stuff. Or, I talked to my mom and my abuela and my mom helped translate."

Trevor's heart jumps a little. "You told them? How'd they take it?"

"Pretty well, believe it or not. Apparently this isn't the first time it's happened in our family."

"Did you tell them..." _it's a guy?_ Trevor thinks.

"I didn't tell them who it is or anything," Nolan says, "but my abuela told me something really interesting that I think you might have left out when you came to see me last fall."

Trevor's a little scared. "What is it?"

Nolan looks like the cat that ate the canary. "She told me that people who can feel each others' emotions are _soulmates_."

Trevor feels himself blushing bright red. "Oh, interesting," he mumbles.

"Was there a particular reason you didn't want to tell me that earlier?"

Trevor can't have this conversation anymore. "No, no reason, I'm going to go have lunch," he says, abruptly getting up and leaving the locker room even though lunch isn't for hours.

When Trevor gets back to his room that night, he calls Mallie in a panic, who picks up on the second ring.

"What's up, Trevor?" Trevor can hear another girl's laughter in the background when Mallie answers.

"Shit, Mallie, are you busy? I can call back-"

"No, that's okay," she says, "I told Josie my ex-boyfriend desperately needs me. She's cool with it." More laughter in the background.

"Mal-" Trevor isn't sure how to put it. "How do I make sure Nolan doesn't find out I like him?"

Mallie is quiet for a little bit. "Nolan, your teammate- is he the one? You're sharing with?"

"Yeah," Trevor admits.

"I mean, you are soulmates, you know..."

"I know, but- he's my _teammate_. We play professional sports. There's no way it can end well, if we get... involved."

"What does he feel for you?" Mallie asks gently.

Trevor thinks back to the emotions he gets from Nolan when they talk. "I mean, it's all positive, but he's like that with everyone."

"You don't know that for sure," Mallie says.

Trevor sighs. "Yeah, you're right, plus he did kiss me that one time-"

Laughter erupts on the other end of the phone. "Just how no homo are you guys?" Mallie finally gasps out. "He _kissed_ you and you're sitting here wondering if you should talk to him?"

"It doesn't mean he wants a relationship," Trevor reminds her.

"You're right," Mallie acknowledges. "And I don't want you to do anything that'll put your career at risk. But he seems like a good guy, Trevor."

"I'll talk to him," Trevor finally relents.

"Take care, Trev, I love you."

"Love you too."

Trevor lies on his bed thinking for a good hour after that. _I'm glad it's you_ , Nolan had said in Arizona. A straight guy wouldn't kiss him like Nolan did, right? But they hadn't talked about it at all. And Nolan had seemed a little freaked out afterwards- but not in the no homo way. Trevor punches his pillows and goes to run on the hotel gym treadmill.

There's no way he can talk to Nolan about this, Trevor realizes the next morning when they're in the clubhouse getting ready for practice. They're constantly surrounded by their teammates- there's no time between practice and team bonding and talking to the media. But Mallie had made him promise he would do it within the week, so Trevor chickens out and decides to take a subtler approach.

When Nolan's leaving practice that day, Trevor takes a deep breath and lets a strand of his feelings for Nolan out. He's not even sure he can put a name to the emotion, a mix of love and want and gratitude and admiration. Nolan's almost at the door when he turns around suddenly, looking straight at Trevor. Trevor chickens out again and pulls back his feelings, dropping his gaze and focusing on packing his duffel. Nolan stands at the door a beat longer, and Trevor can't contain his relief when he finally turns and leaves.

It turns out to be really easy to let his feelings out, mostly because he has so many of them for Nolan. When Nolan gets his glove from the dugout for him, or when he gives Trevor one of his brilliant smiles after they finish making grounders, or when he makes an unreal barehand play at third, or when he gives Trevor his cantaloupe at breakfast because he knows Trevor likes it- it's almost a relief to let the clamp around his emotions loose, letting Nolan feel exactly what he does. 

If anything, Trevor being more open with his emotions almost makes Nolan more closed-off. Other than a few hints of embarrassment at first, Trevor's been getting nothing from him. Until one day when he's walking back from practice into the clubhouse, and he feels a hand close around his t-shirt sleeve and yank him into one of the storage closets the team uses for gear.

Trevor blinks, getting used to the dim lighting. Nolan's the one who pulled him in here, and he looks _pissed_. Trevor may have miscalculated how effective his communication strategy would be.

"What the fuck is going on, Trevor?"

Trevor feels himself flushing in embarrassment. "Uh, I just thought-"

"Are you messing with me? You figured out my- _feelings_ , and you want to throw it back in my face, I was hoping you'd be a little more cool with this-"

Trevor's jaw drops. "You _like_ me?"

"Are you doing this on purpose? I promise I really tried, Trevor, I'm still trying to deal with it so it doesn't bother you-"

Trevor can't help shoving Nolan a little. "Nolan, you idiot, I was trying to tell you _I_ like you! Like I have a very gay crush on you!"

Nolan's taken aback, but then he shoves Trevor back. 

"How was I supposed to know?" Nolan bursts out, probably too loudly for a storage closet right next to the clubhouse. "You've got this massive cross necklace, and you're from _Texas_ , and we play baseball!"

"You have freaking Bible tattoos! You play baseball too! How was I supposed to figure this out?" Trevor snaps back.

"I _kissed_ you!"

"And then you basically freaked out, like a straight guy!"

They're standing closer together now in the storage room.

"If I kissed you now, I wouldn't freak out," Nolan says, not yelling any more. Trevor flicks his eyes up to Nolan's face to see if he's serious and feels his knees weaken at the look in Nolan's eyes and the wave of _want_ coming from him.

" _Prove it,_ " Trevor whispers, and in the next breath Nolan's lips come down on his, hard. Trevor's back hits the wall, one of Nolan's hands firm on Trevor's hip and the other cupping his jaw. Trevor reaches a hand up to circle Nolan's wrist, threading the other through Nolan's hair. Nolan backs off for a moment but Trevor barely has time to breathe before their lips meet again, Nolan's tongue slipping into Trevor's mouth. Trevor's on fire, wants to push Nolan down onto the ground and climb on top of him.

Trevor arches up into Nolan's arms, loving the feel of their bodies together, relishing Nolan's soft groan when he catches his bottom lip between his teeth. Trevor can't believe he's so turned on already, probably because he can feel Nolan's pleasure in addition to his own. He loses track of time, only capable of feeling Nolan's body pressing him to the wall, the softness of his beard against his jaw, the slide of their lips together. They're both hard, or getting there, and Trevor can't stop the little jerks of his hips, his erection rubbing against the crease of Nolan's hip, driving Trevor out of his mind with how good it feels. 

When Nolan uses his grip on Trevor's hip to angle him so their erections brush together, Trevor moans too loud into Nolan's mouth, his hand tangled in Nolan's t-shirt to stop himself from moving any more because he's pretty sure he'll come. He can tell Nolan feels it, because he stops kissing Trevor, pressing their foreheads together with his fingers digging into Trevor's hip. They slowly separate themselves, Trevor embarrassed by how his knees give out when Nolan stops supporting him, trying to cover it up by sitting down hard on the floor. Nolan sits down next to him, their thighs pressed together, Trevor's hand still wrapped around Nolan's wrist. 

The storage closet is quiet except for their breathing and the still-powerful shocks of lust and pleasure traveling back and forth between them in a feedback loop. Nolan turns toward Trevor, brings their joined hands up to his mouth and gently, devastatingly kisses the back of Trevor's hand. "No freaking out, see?" Nolan says gently.

"What the fuck was that," Trevor blurts out, somewhat ruining the gentle moment. "What the fuck, I've never felt like that before, I've only hooked up with like two other guys before but still, I mean you've probably had more experience so it was probably normal for you-"

Nolan grips Trevor's chin between two fingers and turns his face towards his own. "Trev, it's never been like this between me and anyone else. Trust me." Trevor can feel he's telling the truth.

They finally leave the storage room after they've cooled down a bit, the clubhouse thankfully empty. Nolan gives Trevor a ride to his hotel. Trevor's too nervous about people watching to kiss Nolan before he gets out of the car, but he squeezes Nolan's hand and sends over the mass of warm, squishy feelings he's been swimming in for the last hour.

Spring training marches relentlessly on, games and practices and media and kissing Nolan in the storage closet. They don't have the time or the privacy to do more than that, but Trevor's thankful for what he does get since it's more than he could have imagined. Nolan invites the guys over to his house for dinner one evening, and while the vets are busy getting David, Ryan, and Raimel wine drunk ("They're young, they can handle it"), Trevor sneaks out by the pool, where Nolan's lying in a deck chair. 

He's about to pull up a chair when his own wine buzz takes over and he drops down onto Nolan's chair, shoving at him to move over. He fits himself against Nolan's body, Nolan's hand warm against his lower back.

Trevor can feel that Nolan wants to kiss him, badly, but he knows they can't risk it with their teammates a hundred feet away. Instead, Nolan traces his fingertips along the sensitive skin on the inside of Trevor's upper arm, over Trevor's new tattoo. 

"Did you know," Nolan says sleepily, "that you got the same tattoo as me?"

"What do you mean," Trevor says, nuzzling his face further into Nolan's chest.

Nolan's hand on Trevor's back comes around to squeeze his waist. "Matthew 19:26."

Then Trevor gets it. He'd gotten his tattoo because he's always liked that verse, but he'd forgotten that Nolan also has the words "Matthew 19:26" across his forearm. 

"Shit," Trevor says, pressing his face into Nolan's neck, loving the feeling of Nolan's amusement rolling through him. "We really are soulmates."

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

They don't get as much time together once the season starts. The Rockies start the season unevenly, deflating everyone's hopes a little. They finally win 4 in a row on a Saturday night in New York, so Cargo announces that everyone's going out after the game. Nolan grabs Trevor's wrist as he's leaving the clubhouse, not saying anything, just sending him feelings of _want_ and _together_ and _home_. He wants Trevor in his hotel room before they go out. Trevor sends back _yes_. 

Thirty minutes later, his tongue's in Nolan's mouth and his hand's under Nolan's shirt, Nolan flat on his back underneath Trevor in the hotel bed. 

Trevor can hear his phone buzzing on the nightstand, knows it's Ryan telling him they're leaving for the club. With an enormous amount of effort, he pulls away from Nolan's mouth, grabbing at his phone to silence it. Nolan kisses down Trevor's neck, sucking lightly but not hard enough to leave a mark. He curls a hand into the collar of Trevor's t-shirt. "Let's stay in," Nolan murmurs, his eyes half-lidded and cheeks hot. 

There's no way Trevor's saying no to Nolan when he's like this. He ducks down to kiss him again, then quickly texts Ryan that he and Nolan aren't coming, not caring that Ryan's going to tease him about it later.

Then Nolan's hand is in Trevor's hair and his teeth are biting at his lip. Trevor's so hard, grinding his hips down onto Nolan's stomach, each movement of his hips sending more and more sensation through his body. Nolan likes seeing him like this, Trevor can feel it, one of Nolan's big hands guiding Trevor's hips down so their cocks press together. The feeling of Nolan hard against him has Trevor's head spinning. He wants to touch feel Nolan's cock in his hand, down his throat-

Nolan breaks their kiss with a groan. "Trev, can you not," he says hoarsely.

Trevor kisses Nolan's neck wetly. "You don't like thinking about me sucking your dick?"

Nolan's hand tightens on his hip almost painfully. "I like it too much."

Trevor kisses Nolan's bottom lip, then his top lip, then moves down Nolan's body so he's settled between his legs, getting a very tempting eyeful of the bulge in Nolan's sweatpants.

Nolan sits up against the headboard, hand sliding into Trevor's hair. " _Trevor_ , fuck, are you sure-"

"I want your dick in my mouth, Nolan," Trevor says, letting all his feelings through, making sure he gets it.

"Yes, _please,_ " Nolan says, and then Trevor's tugging his sweatpants and boxers off and sinking his mouth down onto Nolan's dick because he wants it _so bad_. Nolan's fingers tangle in Trevor's hair, his other hand coming down to trace over Trevor's bottom lip, his thumb sliding into Trevor's mouth alongside his cock. Trevor lets out a muffled moan as he sinks down further, then pulls up to swirl his tongue over the head. When Trevor finds a sensitive spot, he feels waves of Nolan's pleasure wash over him, his own hips jerking forward to rub against the hotel bed. 

Trevor feels like he can read Nolan's mind right now, able to respond to all of Nolan's _yes, right there_ and _no, go back to what you were doing before,_ teasing just enough to take Nolan a little out of his mind, then sucking him down deep again. Trevor has to shove a hand into his pants just to give his dick something to rub against, every one of Nolan's noises and feelings and little movements getting Trevor even more worked up.

He almost doesn't hear when Nolan starts talking, the first words he's said in a while. "You're so fucking pretty, Trevor, you're gorgeous like this, your mouth all ruined-" he slides his finger into Trevor's mouth, traces his lips, smearing spit and his own precome everywhere- "I love how much you love this." Trevor has to close his eyes at that, Nolan's words bringing the heat under his skin to an unbearable level. Everything about Nolan right now is unbearable, the arch in his back and the little jerks of his hips, the breadth of his thighs underneath Trevor.

He takes Nolan into his mouth as deep as he can. Nolan lets out a choked gasp, a sound Trevor hasn't heard before. Emboldened, Trevor moves his hand from where it's braced on Nolan's thigh, tracing over Nolan's balls and perineum lightly, teasing, then digging a knuckle into his perineum a little harder. Trevor pulls off Nolan's dick to see his reaction and is hit with an intense wave of _want_ , grinding his hips down into his hand involuntarily. 

"Trevor, again, please," Nolan says, voice rough and out of breath. Trevor eagerly obliges, licking around the head of Nolan's dick and moving his knuckle in circular motions over his perineum, drawing even more gasps and cries out of Nolan. _So sensitive_ , he thinks to himself, _I bet he'd love getting fucked_ , not realizing he's broadcasted his feelings straight to Nolan until Nolan chokes out, "Yes, want you to fuck me, I'd be good for you, _please._ " 

And now Trevor can't stop thinking about Nolan under him, or above him, sinking down onto Trevor's fingers and then Trevor's cock, gasping and moaning like he is now, his gorgeous arms wrapped around Trevor's neck. He can't stop grinding his erection into his palm, he _knows_ he should stop, he's way too close to coming, but it feels so fucking good-

Then Trevor's tongue finds a particularly sensitive spot on Nolan's cock, and Nolan's fingers grab his hair a little too tight. Trevor thrusts his dick into his own hand once and comes _hard_ , all over his hand and the inside of his boxers.

He has to pull off of Nolan's dick, pressing his forehead into Nolan's thigh as we works himself through the aftershocks, breathing unevenly.

" _Fuck,_ " Nolan says emphatically. "Trev- did you just..." Trevor feels a slow, hot wave of pleasure rolling off of Nolan, intense enough that Trevor can't even feel embarrassed about coming in his pants. Nolan _liked_ that, a lot. Nolan pulls Trevor up to straddle his lap, pushing his hair off his face, running his hand over the stubble on Trevor's jaw, something like awe on his face.

"Just need a minute," Trevor pants, wincing at how wrecked his voice sounds.

"Fuck," Nolan says again, "kiss me, Trevor," and then his lips are on Trevor's, gentle against Trevor's swollen mouth. 

He wraps his still-wet hand around Nolan's neglected erection, relishing the groan deep in Nolan's chest, something dirty and perfect about getting Nolan off with his come. Trevor can tell Nolan's getting close when he can only feel _please_ and _yes_ and _want_ from Nolan. 

"Come on, Nolan, wanna see you, let me make you come," Trevor murmurs hoarsely, pressing a kiss to Nolan's cheek, his jaw, licking along his bottom lip. Trevor gives Nolan a few more strokes and then Nolan's coming over his hand, biting down on Trevor's lip, the intense wave of sensation Trevor gets from him almost enough to make him ready to go again.

They don't move for a while, Nolan's face tucked into the crook of Trevor's neck, Trevor pressing kisses to his temple. They manage to stumble into the shower a while later, kissing and touching, Nolan swatting at Trevor when he tries to shampoo Nolan's beard and Trevor being mock-annoyed when Nolan leaves a mark on his neck where his jersey definitely won't cover it. They fall asleep wrapped around each other, Trevor in a spare pair of Nolan's sweatpants.

Trevor's woken up by loud banging on the hotel room door and sleepily rolls out of bed to open it, realizing his mistake too late. Cargo and Ryan barge into the room, Ryan whooping loudly when he sees Nolan asleep. Cargo just shakes his head and begrudgingly puts a $100 bill in Ryan's outstretched palm.

"The little rookies are all grown up," Cargo says mournfully, "only yesterday you both had a crush on me, and you've already moved on."

"Since the two of you so rudely ditched team clubbing night yesterday, you're buying everyone Starbucks," Ryan says. 

They leave before Trevor has a chance to fully process what's happening, Nolan still sound asleep. How he got stuck with these idiots as his teammates, he'll never know.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A couple of weeks later, they've just finished another losing series in San Francisco and they have the next day off in LA. Nolan takes Trevor to Orange County, showing him the houses and baseball fields and beaches he grew up with. Nolan in Southern California is probably one of Trevor's favorite things- Nolan glows in the sun, the Pacific Ocean breeze ruffling his hair. 

_When we move in together_ , Trevor thinks wildly, _we're spending a month at the beach every year_. Nolan turns to look at Trevor from the driver's seat, his expression a little confused. Trevor just wraps his hand around Nolan's where it's resting on the gearshift, unable to keep the smile off his face.

The season keeps going, up and down. Nolan gets stung by a bee while Trevor's at the plate one day, and Trevor gets so distracted by Nolan's pain that he swings through three straight pitches nowhere near the zone. They practice building up walls in their minds and then breaking them down, since they feel lonely without each other. 

In the end, they're tied with the Dodgers for the NL West lead. Their connection manifests itself again in game 163 in LA- Nolan goes yard in the top of the 9th and Trevor hits a homer directly afterwards, bringing the score to a less embarrassing 5-2. It's too little, too late, though, and they score 4 more runs in the next 4 games to get swept out of the postseason.

Nobody's talking in the locker room after the last loss to the Brewers. They've been worn down and demoralized enough over the last series that any words feel meaningless compared to the numbness everyone's feeling.

Trevor's in and out of the ballpark over the next few days, cleaning up and meeting with coaches. He walks past Bridich's office one day, where he knows Nolan and his agent are in a meeting. He's genuinely not trying to eavesdrop, but he hears a snatch of conversation through the door- "we'll be in touch with an extension offer in the next month," Bridich is saying. 

"Jeff, you know Nolan's committed to Denver," Nolan's agent replies, "but with the free agent market being what it is, we want to be open about exploring alternative teams and possible trades." 

Trevor's blood runs cold.

Trevor knows that there's a chance Nolan might not re-sign in Denver. He just never thought it would get this real. 

Nolan must feel him on the other side of the door, because Bridich's office door opens and Nolan bursts into the hallway, his face pained. "Trev, please, listen," he starts, but Trevor's already walking past him towards the clubhouse, his eyes burning with unexpected tears. 

Nolan finds him at his locker afterwards, his face reflecting every shitty feeling going through Trevor's mind. 

"Nolan, are you going to leave?" Trevor's voice comes out rough through the lump in his throat.

Nolan doesn't say anything for a long time. "I don't know," he says finally, the pain in Trevor's chest getting worse with each syllable. The obvious tension and upset Nolan's radiating isn't helping any.

"Trev, I have to go," Nolan says finally. "Can I call you when I get home?"

Trevor doesn't say anything, just sends a giant wave of _go away and don't talk to me_. So Nolan does.

He does call Trevor late that night- he must have made it back to California. Trevor's sitting on Ryan's couch drinking vodka and Sprite out of a coffee mug, since the rest of Ryan's stuff is packed up- they both have early flights home tomorrow, and Trevor wants to be drunk for about a week straight.

Ryan claps him on the shoulder after he declines Nolan's call. "Don't worry," Ryan slurs a little, "I'll be your new third baseman. I'm super good at it."

Trevor can't help but laugh. "Thanks, Ry."

More than a couple of shots in, he sees how he's overreacting- obviously, Nolan deserves to go somewhere where he gets paid his worth. It just didn't cross his mind that Nolan might have to leave him to do so. 

"It's 'cause you're in loooove with him," Ryan points out, correctly.

"I'm in love with Nolan," Trevor repeats, trying it out. It feels right.

When Trevor takes his phone off airplane mode after landing in Dallas, there's a couple texts from Nolan waiting for him. 

_i'm so, so sorry trev. i should have talked to you about this before_

_i care about you so much_

It takes Trevor the better part of the day to figure out what he wants to say to Nolan. When he finally sends the texts, he turns his phone off immediately, heart pounding.

_don't be sorry nolan. you deserve the world_

_if you end up leaving that's ok_

_i love you. i'm in love with you_

_all i want is for you to be happy_

Trevor's eating breakfast the next morning when he suddenly feels shock and surprise in the corner of his mind. Nolan must be reading his texts. He waits until the initial jolt wears off before he opens up his mind to Nolan, all kinds of warm emotions flooding out of him, respect and awe and adoration all weaving together in a blend of emotions Trevor had always thought of as _Nolan_ , but now knows is just _love_.

Nolan sends Trevor happiness, and his own complicated blend of emotions, and a few texts:

_i love you too._

_i can't fucking believe you had to wait until we were hundreds of miles away from each other to tell me you love me for the first time_

_asshole_

They text every day during the offseason, both of them careful not to bring up Nolan's extension negotiations. Trevor sees Mallie, tells her what's going on. All she says is, "You're soulmates for a reason" cryptically, then drags Trevor to the flower shop so he can meet her girlfriend.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A couple days into February, Trevor feels something changing in Nolan's emotions. He wants to ask Nolan if they've agreed on an extension, but can't bring himself to send the message in case it's bad news. Trevor's patience pays off when he feels joy rolling through him a week later. Right on cue, his phone vibrates, showing Nolan's calling. He can't breathe as he answers.

"Nolan-"

"Eight years, an opt-out after three season. They're still working out the money, but eight years, I get to stay in Denver-" Another blinding burst of joy from Nolan.

"Nolan, that's amazing, that's-" and now Trevor's fucking crying, tears slipping down his face, overwhelmed with what Nolan's telling him, that they get to stay together for at least the near future.

"Come to Arizona," Nolan says warmly on the other end of the line. Trevor can _hear_ his smile. "Just for a week."

Trevor's on the 7am flight to Phoenix that next Monday. Nolan picks him up from the airport again, his hair grown out in its offseason flow that Trevor wants so badly to touch. Trevor hugs him fiercely at the airport, probably a little too much for such a public place, but he can't help it. Nolan smiles at him when he pulls away and Trevor has to force himself into Nolan's car before he tries to kiss him.

They stop by Nolan's house for about 15 minutes before they're driving again, north past Prescott and then Flagstaff. Miles of highway surrounded by plains of dry grass and a few gnarled trees fly past, the horizon broken up by mountains in the distance. They switch drivers and Spotify playlists every hour, talking and laughing and just being together, the car filled with so many feelings that Trevor can't tell which are his and which are Nolan's anymore.

They get to Lake Powell around 4, Nolan pulling into the driveway of their cabin for the week. Trevor grabs their bags and drops them in the living room, immediately spotting the hot tub on the back porch with a westward view. "Nolan, we are so getting drunk in the hot tub this week," Trevor calls. Nolan makes his way into the cabin and closes the door.

"We could get drunk," he agrees, "or..." he pulls a plastic bag out of his hoodie pocket.

"We could have cookies?"

Nolan sighs fondly. "You're such a good Texas boy. They're edibles. Jonah dropped them off when he visited last week."

Trevor has never gotten high with Nolan before, and he'd been imagining their first time, him sitting on Nolan's lap, a joint between Nolan's fingers, taking a hit and kissing Nolan, sharing the smoke. 

He doesn't realizes he's drifted away with his thoughts until Nolan clears his throat, his ears bright red. "Sorry," Trevor says sheepishly, trying to stop projecting his fantasy everywhere.

They tour Antelope Canyon that evening, hike the trails around the Navajo tribal park and lake. Trevor uses the steep declines on the trails as an excuse to hold Nolan's hand as they carefully shuffle down a trail, trying to get back to the car. 

Trevor's in the hot tub later, waiting for the sun to set, when Nolan hops into the tub, moving to straddle Trevor's lap.

"Want a cookie?" Nolan asks.

Trevor considers. "Half." He'd already had his too-many edibles experience back in Tulsa, and he is not eager to repeat it (Tyler ended up having to sit with him for hours, convincing Trevor that he in fact was able to breathe and standing up from the couch would not actually kill him).

Nolan grabs half a cookie from behind Trevor's head, where the bag must be, and feeds it to Trevor, the look in his eyes warmer than the hot tub.

Nolan eats a full cookie and gets off of Trevor's lap. He snuggles against Trevor's side, his head tucked perfectly into the crook of Trevor's neck, one hand wrapped around Trevor's necklace. 

The sun starts setting as the edible hits, and Trevor floats along as the sky is lit up with pink and orange. The sunset seems to last hours, different colors of light bringing out undertones in Nolan's hair, reflecting off the chain around his neck. In the back of his mind, Trevor's aware of Nolan's skin under his hands, his fingers tracing over each of Nolan's tattoos, his thumb lingering in the curve of Nolan's wrist. The last brilliant flash of fire before the sun dips below the horizon feels like it melts all of Trevor's bones, or it could be the way Nolan's mouth is pressed to his neck, moving down and across his collarbone. He and Nolan could be the only people in the world right now.

They're driving north into Utah the next day after sleeping off the edibles, Trevor at the wheel and Nolan curled against the passenger seat door. Trevor has some _very_ obvious bruises on his neck that had gotten him some glances from the bus full of old people at the rest stop. Nolan's eyes keep getting caught on the marks, though, and Trevor can feel his quiet pleasure, so they are well worth it.

They're supposed to be making their way to the national park with the sand dunes, but Trevor finds himself thinking he would be perfectly happy just driving around southern Utah with Nolan. When he tells Nolan this, it starts a conversation about things to do on their next vacation. 

"We could go to Miami, get a boat, some tequila-"

"Puerto Vallarta! Private cabana on the beach."

"We could go to a spa in Montana-"

The suggestions get more outlandish after that, quickly escalating from jet skis to cliff jumping, until-

"We could have sex," Nolan says quietly, making Trevor choke on air.

"We've been having sex," Trevor says slowly, not wanting to misinterpret.

Trevor can feel Nolan's slight embarrassment. "I want to do more with you," Nolan says, even quieter. Nolan's blush doesn't show up against his tan skin, but Trevor knows that if he touched Nolan's cheek right now it would be burning hot.

Trevor wants it, too, and doesn't hide it, heat blooming between them in the confined space of the car.

"So do you want to- go to third base, or further?" Trevor asks, and immediately regrets, cringing at how middle school he sounds.

Nolan bursts out laughing, which Trevor probably should have expected. "I want the whole damn cycle," he wheezes, wiping tears from the corner of his eyes. "A grand slam."

Trevor has to laugh through his embarrassment because Nolan's laugh is too damn contagious. "Let's never discuss sex in baseball terms ever again." 

Nolan drives on the way back from the sand dunes, Trevor looking out the passenger side window and taking everything in. The red rock outcroppings on the side of the road, set off by the pink sunset sky, the occasional cactus, the dilapidated wooden sign for a convenience store in 5 miles- Trevor sits up with a jolt.

They end up in said convenience store, staring at a surprisingly large collection of condoms and lube. The only person in the store besides them is the bored cashier, and based on the way she had barely pulled her eyes from her phone when they walked in Trevor figures (hopes) she won't tell anyone. 

They're able to grab condoms for Trevor, but the bigger issue by far is figuring out what lube to buy ("I didn't know there were so many _varieties_ ," Nolan whispers). Trevor's pretty sure they don't want "an erotic personal lubricant for her," but do they want "intense pleasure" or "lube for organic and healthy play"?

Meanwhile, Nolan has one hand curled into Trevor's hoodie, his face pressed into Trevor's shoulder, trying and failing to muffle his giggles. Trevor tries to see what set him off. 

" _Jizz Anal_ ," Nolan whispers, setting off another round of laughter. Sure enough, there's a bottle proudly bearing that name on the shelf.

"You're so immature," Trevor says, "maybe _Jizz Anal_ lube is what we've been looking for this whole time," and then he can't hold in the giggles, either because he's just as immature as Nolan is or because he's a weak man when Nolan's laughing. He desperately hopes nobody walks in and sees them crying with laughter on the floor of the personal care aisle.

They don't end up getting _Jizz Anal_ , sadly. "We're mature enough to be having sex, right?" Trevor asks Nolan as they leave the store, tossing the plastic bag with smiley faces printed on it into the back seat of the car.

They spend the next half hour before they get to the cabin making easy conversation, because it's always easy talking to Nolan, but Trevor is _suffering_ because he can't stop thinking about what they're going to do. Nolan spread out on the bed under him, or over him, the look on his face as he sinks down on Trevor's-

Nolan snaps his fingers in Trevor's face. "Focus, dude, I'm not calling Bridich to tell him we got in a car crash because you were having sexual thoughts."

They get to the cabin in one piece, and then he and Nolan are rushing into the house, dumping their bags in the living room and heading straight for the master bedroom. 

Nolan wastes no time getting on the bed and pulling Trevor down on top of him with a hand in Trevor's t-shirt. Trevor doesn't bother trying to hold himself up since he knows Nolan can take his weight, every inch of their bodies pressed flush together, sending a thrill down Trevor's spine. Trevor doesn't kiss Nolan right away, his eyes drinking in the sight of Nolan underneath him, dancing over his collarbones, his lips, the stray freckle under his eye. He finally brings his eyes up to meet Nolan's, blue meeting brown, losing his breath at the hungry look in Nolan's eyes. 

"Hey," he whispers, tangling a hand in Nolan's hair like he's wanted to since he'd first seen him at the airport.

"Kiss me," Nolan whispers back, his eyes fluttering closed.

So Trevor does, gently at first and then harder, sliding his tongue over Nolan's bottom lip and into his mouth, losing himself in the feel of Nolan's soft lips, beard, big hands slipping under Trevor's shirt. 

Trevor pulls back and shifts so he's sitting next to Nolan on the bed. "Take off your clothes, Nolan," he says, barely recognizing the need-filled tone in his voice.

Nolan's eyes widen, but a second later Trevor can feel his arousal and obedience as he sits up and pulls his hoodie over his head, his shirt riding up and exposing gorgeously tan skin. Nolan takes his shirt off next, and Trevor can't stop himself from trailing his fingers from the gold necklace at Nolan's throat to the waistband of his sweatpants. 

There's something tender and delicate in the air between them, in the way Nolan closes his eyes and tilts his head back at Trevor's touch, the reverence Trevor feels as his hands linger on Nolan's collarbones and arms and stomach.

"Keep going," Trevor says softly, hooking a finger in Nolan's waistband. 

Nolan shuffles his sweatpants off, then his boxers, and then he's laid bare, Trevor's eyes drinking in the jut of his hipbones, his hard cock, the curve of his ass, the thickness through his thighs and calves.

"Touch me, Trevor," Nolan says, his voice low, so Trevor does, straddling Nolan's lap, kissing him deeply. Together, they get Trevor's clothes off so they're finally pressed skin-to-skin, grinding their hips together until Trevor has to pull away, gasping. Feeling Nolan's arousal and want along with his own always gets him there so much faster than he's used to.

"Are you gonna fuck me now?" Nolan says, breathing hard, hair disheveled and lips swollen. Trevor kisses him once, softly. "If you want me to," he says, his heart jumping when Nolan smiles. "So generous," Nolan says between kisses, "so selfless of you."

They maneuver so that Nolan's lying on the bed, Trevor slicking up his fingers with their new lube. It's pretty obviously both of their first times having sex with another guy, so Trevor goes as slow as he can, their shared emotions helping Nolan relax around his first finger and then his second. Nolan's just beginning to open up for his third finger when Trevor's fingers slip a little deeper and Nolan moans, Trevor feeling hot pulses of pleasure running through him. 

Trevor angles his fingers to reach that spot better, Nolan's moans getting louder and hips rocking involuntarily, hands clenched in the sheets so hard Trevor thinks he's going to rip a hole in them. "Trevor, _please_ ," Nolan finally gasps, his first words in a while, "need _more_." 

"Of course," Trevor murmurs, "anything you want," and then he goes for it, sliding his pinky in alongside his other fingers and making sure he hits Nolan's prostate on each thrust, the way Nolan's falling apart under him almost distracting him from his increasingly more persistent erection, until he can't hold out anymore.

"Nolan, baby, can I fuck you, please," he says, desperately.

"Yes, yeah, Trev," Nolan pants, even more gorgeous and disheveled, his skin covered in a thin sheen of sweat that's making him glow.

Trevor pulls his fingers out as gently as he can, rolling on a condom and slicking himself up. He positions himself between Nolan's legs, Nolan pulling a pillow under his own hips to make the angle a little better. 

The initial slide in is almost more than Trevor can handle, Nolan tight and hot and wet around him. He waits until Nolan's adjusted to his cock before he moves, his hand wrapped around Nolan's thigh, thrusting in and out, loving the soft waves of pleasure rolling off of Nolan. Trevor can do better, though. "Tilt your hips a little, baby," he says, and Nolan does, his breath leaving him as the new angle hits his prostate dead on. Trevor's thrusting harder now, spurred on further by Nolan's moans and " _yes_ , Trevor"s and the sting of Nolan's fingernails digging into his back. 

When Nolan chokes out, "Trevor, so close, please," he can feel that Nolan wants Trevor to jerk him off, wants to come all over both of them, but instead he asks, "Can you wait a little, Nolan?", teasing the head of Nolan's cock with his fingers.

" _Fuck_ ," Nolan swears, "fuck you, Trevor," and then, a breath later, "I can wait," Trevor feeling his insistent arousal alongside his determination to be good. He has to kiss Nolan then, Nolan opening up eagerly for him and winding a hand into his hair. His hips are flush against Nolan's now, grinding into him, making Nolan moan into their kiss. Trevor can't tell whose arousal is whose anymore, Nolan's skin hot against his, the way Nolan's taking him so well pushing him closer to the edge. 

He can tell Nolan's getting close too when he starts talking, whispering against Trevor's lips "fuck me so good, Trev, knew you would" and "make me come, please, can't wait any more." There's no way Trevor can deny Nolan that, not when his lips are so sweet against Trevor's and he's driving Trevor out of his mind with how he's clenching down on Trevor's dick. He wraps a hand around Nolan, only has to stroke a few times before Nolan's coming over Trevor's hand and his stomach. 

Trevor can't hold out any longer, thrusting in twice before he comes hard too, his whole body shaking. He slumps down onto Nolan's chest, kind of liking how Nolan's come smears over his stomach, tucking his face into Nolan's neck. Nolan's hand comes to rest on the back of Trevor's neck, stroking the short hairs there. They don't say anything- they don't need to, feeling each other's satisfaction and happiness and love. 

"Can't believe you called me _baby_ ," Nolan says later, when they're eating dinner in bed, their legs tangled together. "I'm older than you."

"Shut up, you loved it," Trevor mutters, his face turning red. 

"I love _you_ ," Nolan replies, and then they're kissing, dinner forgotten for a moment.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

They have a rocky start to the season, as always, but it doesn't weigh on Trevor as much as it did the last two years, either because he's getting older or because he's allowing himself to stop thinking every once in a while. He's rewarded when the Rockies win 10 of their next 12 games, taking some of the pressure out of the clubhouse. 

He and Nolan try to keep their thing quiet, but it proves difficult when more than half the team knows already and because they can't stop doing what David calls "freaky soulmate shit".

Like their first game in Atlanta. In the second inning, Trevor sneaks a home run over the left field fence. He's barely made it into the dugout when the guys start cheering again- and sure enough, Nolan's hit a homer to the exact same part of the field.

Then in the sixth, Trevor slaps a double down the right field line. The hit that brings him home is Nolan's subsequent double down the right field line.

Nolan comes up to him briefly in the middle of the sixth, as they're swapping their bats for gloves, a question in his eyes. Trevor just shrugs. He's not going to complain about getting hits.

And most of it isn't even their fault, anyways. It's not like they're trying to publicize their relationship, but it's a little hard to be subtle when his hits keep landing in the same place as Nolan's, or when Trevor hits his 100th homer and Nolan immediately goes back-to-back after him, or when in the very next game Nolan hits his 200th.

Trevor gets asked after his 100th homer if he's learned about hitting from Nolan. He idly imagines telling the beat writers just how much he's learned, about hitting and emotional health and sex. “When we walk a lot, we talk about how these guys are going to attack us, what we think is going to happen,” Trevor says instead.

Nolan's waiting in the parking lot afterward, leaning against Trevor's car.

"You said we," Nolan says, elaborating when he feels Trevor's confusion. "To the reporters when they asked about you learning about hitting from me. You said _we_ talk about how these guys are going to attack _us_."

"I don't think it's that suspicious," Trevor says, wondering if Nolan's worried about having their bond exposed. "It just sounds like us sharing information about pitchers, they can't possibly know anything."

Nolan shakes his head, smiling. "But _I_ know." Nolan lets his feelings out, and now Trevor knows exactly what he's feeling- Nolan's touched that Trevor referred to them as _we_ and _us_. Everything he's giving Trevor, joy and possessiveness and togetherness, wraps around Trevor like a warm blanket.

"Get in the car so I can kiss you," Trevor says, and Nolan happily obliges.

Before an August home game in Denver, Trevor's sitting on the dugout bench thinking about him and Nolan. Baseball was always his first soulmate, so it was probably inevitable that baseball would bring him his next great love too. He grabs Nolan's hand as Nolan walks past, squeezing for just a second before letting go. 

Nolan hands Trevor his glove, his eyes full of determination, tension for the game, and love, always love. "Ready?"

"Always." 

And they run out onto the diamond, together.

**Author's Note:**

> Some works cited:  
>  [Nolan talks about their similarities](https://youtu.be/0jKB25YBZcw?t=24)  
>  <https://www.mlb.com/rockies/news/trevor-story-looks-to-emulate-nolan-arenado-c268446188>  
>  <https://www.mlb.com/rockies/news/trevor-story-hits-100th-career-home-run>  
> Let me know if I need to tag anything!


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